Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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