Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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