just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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