he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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