Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
People in love make me want to vomit
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize