I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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