I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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