you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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