Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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