I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize