Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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