lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize