Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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