My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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