Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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