Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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