This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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