yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize