If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize