The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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