he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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