Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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