Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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