Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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