never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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