Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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