I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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