I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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