Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize