Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need water and some morals
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