he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i've created a new STD.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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