I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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