Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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