I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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