you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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