he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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