I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize