i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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