He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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