Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize