is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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