You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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