just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize