mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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