her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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