Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize