I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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