I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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