The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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