We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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